It's a Sad, Sad Day...

Tomorrow we say goodbye to our baby. I don't know where to begin.

On September 14 we went for an appointment with my OB. I thought we would be developing a plan on how often I would be monitored. I never imagined we would be talking about a possible miscarriage. The thought never even crossed my mind. Tim and I just kept thinking and worrying about having another preemie that we never even imagined the possibility of a miscarriage.

We chatted with the doctor for a bit and he said he would want me to start getting progesterone shots starting at 18 weeks. He said they have been known to help keep the baby inside for as long as possible. He also explained that since I am 35 he would want me to get testingWe then had an ultrasound and that's when our world turned upside down. Tim and I knew there was a problem right away. We didn't see the flicker of a heartbeat, which we saw a few weeks before that. He sent us down to the Maternal Fetal Medicine department for another ultrasound.

The doctor there said "We have a problem, your baby is going to die". Even though he was so blunt, I was happy he didn't beat around the bush and try to sugarcoat everything. The baby's heartbeat was only 78 beats per minute (should be 150+) and he diagnosed the baby with cystic hygroma. A cystic hygroma is diagnosed in about 1-5,000-10,000 babies. This fluid filled cyst is filled with lymphatic fluid due to the baby's lymph nodes not working properly. Our ultrasound revealed a cyst near the back of the baby's neck. When you looked down at the baby's head, the doctor said it looked like the baby had a halo and that this was all swelling. (You can find out more about cystic hygroma HERE).

He asked if we wanted to terminate the pregnancy. Even though the inevitable was going to happen, we had no desire to terminate the pregnancy while the baby's heart was still beating. He told us to come back a week later for another ultrasound and to check the heartbeat.

Tim and I went for another ultrasound on Monday, September 21 and there was no heartbeat. Even though we were prepared for this day, it was still devastating. They measured the baby and it measured around 9 weeks 6 days, which means the heart stopped beating a day or two after our ultrasound last week. This was probably also around the same time my nauseousness stopped. We scheduled a D&C this Friday. I wanted a D&C for a few reasons:

1. I have heard of people waiting to miscarriage naturally and it could take weeks
2. You never know when its going to happen. I have heard from some of my friends and they say when it happened, they bled so much that it was scary. What if it happened when I was home alone with Avery?
3. Sometimes having a miscarriage is just as painful as childbirth. Your body can have painful contractions and you feel the urge to push.
4. I want to get the baby tested for chromosomal issues and if I ended up miscarrying at home, this would make it difficult to send the baby to the lab for testing.


I was just starting to get a baby belly..it literally showed up overnight. My stomach is as big now at 11 weeks as it was around 19 weeks with Avery. It's crazy how fast it started to get bigger. I took a few pics and will post them some other time.

Here is the last pic we have of Baby S. It was starting to look super cute!

I know this is a private matter but the reason I decided to share this is so everyone know's why Tim and I may not be ourselves lately. We just need some time. I know things will eventually get easier. I know people go through miscarriages all the time.(10-25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage).Many people also experience having a preemie/baby in the nicu. You never know what any of it is really like until you experience it for yourself. Again, it makes you much more grateful and appreciative of the little things in life.