Trying to have a baby is stressful

And now Avery has a rash all over her body. I wish I could make this stuff up but it's true. I swear. It is always something. We took her to Express Care Thursday night and they think its just a viral rash and not contagious. We had the nurse practioner write a note to her preschool/daycare, stating the rash is not contagious. 

Yesterday the rash starting getting really bad and spreading fast. It is now all over, including her face. She was miserable, constantly itching. Took her to the doctor again (thats 3 times in a week but who is counting?). Now they think she is having an allergic reaction to the amoxicillin. They are having her stop the amoxicillin and advised us to get her 5-7ml of benedryl and a steroid was prescribed. We are going to start with the benedryl and see how that goes. If she is still not doing well, we will start the steroid.

Warning: Probably too much info but if it helps someone trying to get pregnant then its ok...

So last month I was pregnant and then a few days later was no longer pregnant. I am not sure if that's considered a miscarriage because it was so early (around 4-5 weeks) but needless to say, the pregnancy didn't make it. I spoke with our friend who had quite a few miscarriages. She is now 31 weeks pregnant. She recommended taking Pregnitude which is a vitamin supplement you mix with water. Its basically folic acid and another vitamin and it helps you have healthier eggs and helps you regulate your cycles. (I was originally skeptical but read the reviews on amazon and your mind will be changed!) She also said her doctor had her taking progesterone suppositories. I decided to call my doctor and see what he said. He ended up saying that he doesn't have a lot of research saying it helps but he knows it can't hurt so he was onboard. Starting when you ovulate, you take a progesterone vaginal suppository every night at bedtime. They say to take it at bedtime because they want you to be laying down for 15 minutes after you insert it. You take it from the day of ovulation until the day of your expected period. If you aren't pregnant, you discontinue use for about 2 weeks (or until you ovulate again). If you are pregnant, you keep taking it, every day, for about 10-11 weeks.  

I just started it two weeks ago. I'm not going to lie, its a bit...weird. I will wake up in the middle of the night, get up to go to the bathroom and feel like I peed myself. Hey, I know its gross but I am just telling you about my experience.

Anyways...I feel like its groundhog day..the same thing happened this month. I decided to test about 6 days early and I got multiple positive pregnancy tests..I had positive double line tests, internet cheapies and digital tests. I then tested about 4 days later (two days before my expected period) and they all were negative. I cannot begin to explain the emotional rollercoaster we have felt each month. We are pregnant and excited and then a few days later we are not pregnant and depressed.

The only reason I have been testing early is because sometimes I like to have a drink or two. I feel like when its around the time I should be expecting my period and I want to have a drink, I will take a pregnancy test to make sure I am not pregnant. If it should come back positive, I  want to decrease the chances of having any risks with pregnancy as I can so I will not drink.. Its possible I have had this happen to me plenty of times throughout the years and had just not known it because I used to wait until a few days to a week AFTER my expected period to test. By that time, I could have been pregnant and then have something happen and all the hcg leave my system by then.

If I am keeping track and these all count as miscarriages (not sure if they do) I will have had 3 miscarriages in the past 6 months. The only good thing about that is that it now seems like I CAN get pregnant, I just CAN'T seem to keep it. As of two weeks ago, I have started taking the pregnitude and the progesterone. I figured they can't hurt so I have nothing to lose.

Wish us luck!

Mommy said she almost had a brother or sister for me :(

This rash is making me miserable 

We got this in the mail yesterday. I am so excited to go to Disney!

A Rollercoaster of Emotions

On January 31, I still hadn’t started my period but I was spotting a little. I took a few tests but couldn’t tell if there was a line or not because it was very faint. I then took a digital test and it was positive! I was excited but I didn’t want to get too excited because of my past experience with being pregnant. I called the doctor and they ordered a bloodtest. Right after I did the bloodwork, I started bleeding more so I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I checked MyChart and saw it was positive but VERY low HCG (only 13).

That could mean one of two things.

1. That I was off with my dates. It could be low because I was very early on in the pregnancy (like 3 weeks) or

2. That I was miscarrying.

I knew I could have been a few days off but not weeks so I knew the inevitable was coming. Sure enough, I took another test a few days later and it was negative.

When the nurse called me with the results, she said to come back in a week and get my levels checked again. HCG(pregnancy hormone) should double every 48 hours. If it rises, it means the pregnancy is going good. If it decreases, then you are most likely having a miscarriage. I already know what my results are going to be since I have been bleeding a lot more the past few days. The reason I want to get it checked is to make sure that all of the HCG is gone. HCG can stay in your system for a while. I don’t want to be testing next month, thinking I was pregnant when really it was just leftover HCG from before.

I am going to talk with my doctor to see if there is anything else I can do or take ,such as progesterone, that may help when I am pregnant. Tim and I have talked it over and have decided that if we aren’t pregnant (and have it be a viable pregnancy) by the end of the year that we are going to start the adoption process.

We started showing Avery sign language DVDs and she really seems to like it. She is catching on fast. She knows Mommy, Daddy, sleep, eat, drink, and help really well. She (sometimes) knows shoes, socks, ball, coat and blanket. Tim’s parents watched her the other day while we went out to dinner. While we were gone, she learned how to say Grandpa. Her and Grandma were shouting in the other room to him. It is very cute. I will try to post some videos of her doing sign language.

Chewie is the best!

Mommy was all excited because I could of had a new brother or sister :(

Making faces for the camera

I went to Build A Bear and made a cute bunny. This is me picking out the heart to put in it.

I am signing Daddy and Mommy

I am signing "sleep". Its even funnier when I do this sign standing up because I bend over and look like I am going to fall. Mommy and Daddy laugh every time.

A day full of 1sts!

I had a  3 week follow up with my doctor on Monday regarding the D&C. Everything was good. He recommends we wait two cycles before trying to conceive. The results were not in yet of the chromosome test for the baby.

On Thursday, we experienced a lot of firsts.

1.       Avery had her first field trip! Tim and I took the day off of work and went with her class to Luther Farm in Richfield, OH (http://www.lutherfarms.com/ ). I think all of the kids liked it. It was $6.50 a person and it included a hay ride, seeing the animals (turkey, chicken, cow and calf, llama, ducks, bunnies, pig and little piglets), a pumpkin cannon, snack, and craft. Each child got to take home a mini pumpkin, apple and caramel apple sucker. All of the adults got to take home a squash or gourd. It was nice to meet some of the kids and families from Avery’s class. There is one girl who is just as small, if not smaller, than Avery! We found out she was a preemie too.

2.       We had parent/teacher conferences with Avery’s teacher. It’s hard to believe Avery is old enough to have a real parent/teacher conference. It definitely makes me feel old. They pretty much said what we already knew. She is shy and timid but then warms up. They said her shyness does seem to be improving. We did find out that her safe place in the class was standing at the sand table. They said she always liked it and could always be found over there. We told them that we have seen a huge increase in the amount of babbling Avery is doing now compared to 2 months ago. The speech teacher gave us some activities/suggestions we can do at home. The speech teacher says Avery starts babbling when they are walking down to speech class but once they get into class, she doesn’t really vocalize besides saying yes and shaking her head no. They said during speech, she used to just sit and watch the teacher play with the toys. But now Avery plays with them and is slowly getting more comfortable. Overall, I think the conference went well.

3.       We found out the results of the chromosome test. Everything came back normal so the baby wouldn’t have had a chromosome condition such as down syndrome, Turner’s syndrome, extra chromosomes, etc. We found out we were having a boy! Tim and I both had a feeling the baby was a boy. I feel bad for Tim. I know he really wants a boy and I am hoping this isn’t the only chance of having one. We need to carry on the Svitak name. :)  Before the miscarriage, Tim said he liked the name Kurt, after Kurt Cobain/Nirvana. I personally didn’t want to name our baby that. If it was a girl, I liked the name Emerson but Tim hates it.  After the miscarriage, but before we found out if it was a boy or girl, I told Tim if it was a boy, he could name him Kurt. So Kurt, if you are looking down on us, I am sorry you never got to experience what a good big sister Avery is going to be someday.   :)

Wee!! One of my favorite things right now is have Daddy swing me! Daddy is also one of my favorite things :-)

 More swinging!

 I was in a time out in my room and was very quiet. Mommy and Daddy came in to check on me and I had gotten into the lotion! Also, check out the cute shirt I made in preschool.

Whoops!

 

 Daddy came into our preschool class and helped me make a shirt!

 Here is the finished product...

I love to sit on the drawer of the stove. Its my new, cute, little seat.

School is in session at Kaitlin and Eddie's house

Mommy came into the room one day and I was sleeping next to Daddy. Aren't we the cutest?!?

Daddy and I at the field trip

Mommy and I. Don't I look like I was having fun. Mommy even asked me if I was having fun and I said yes. lol

Family photo

A cow and her calf. I am just learning how to Mooooooo!

This pig would not let mommy take a picture of her babies. Every time mommy tried, she would stick her snout in the way. She was actually pretty friendly.

Hay ride!

How cool is this tractor? I hope Daddy will have a tractor as cool as this one day

 Where is Waldo, I mean Avery? I am hiding behind the girl in the middle wearing the grey pants.

Mommy took this pic because there is someone is my class as small as I am!

Eating my snack

 

 Making a cow puppet. Yes, that is where I wanted to put the 3 spots.

 

Getting a pic with 2 other kids in my class. Don't they look HUGE compared to me? :)

D&C Day

I apologize that this post really isn't about Avery today. Its going to be for everyone suffering from a miscarriage who is thinking about having a D&C. We are devastated but wanted to share with you about our experience.

I searched many sites when I heard I was going to be having a possible miscarriage to find out more info about the D&C and I liked being as informed as possible before I made my decision. We knew we couldn't live with ourselves doing anything before there was no heartbeat.

On Monday they confirmed our baby no longer had a heartbeat. I knew I did not want to go through the physical and emotional pain of waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally. Plus, the doctor said that he thinks the baby died last week and my body wasn't showing any signs of miscarrying on its own (no bleeding or cramping).

The D&C was scheduled for Friday. I wasn't allowed to eat anything after midnight on Thursday night. We had to be at the surgery center at 6:30am. My surgery was scheduled for 7:45am. We got checked in and they took us back. I changed into the gown and the no skid slipper socks and they came and put my IV in. The IV was the most painful part of the whole procedure (of course besides the emotional pain we were going through). Everyone from the nurse, anesthesia and doctor that came in to talk to us said they were sorry for our loss.

The weirdest part was walking into the operating room. They carried my IV bag while I made sure to try to keep the back of my gown closed so no one got a show. I climbed up on the operating table. They did their time out procedure where they reviewed my name, birthdate, procedure I was having. Everyone agreed and they asked me if I agreed and I said yes. I laid back on the table and they put a belt around my waste and tied both of my arms out(like on a crucifix). They put the mask on my face and asked me to take a few deep breaths and that's all I remember.

I woke up in recovery. I wasn't in any pain. They asked if I wanted something to eat and drink so I had a pack of Lorna Doone cookies and a ginger ale. They then brought Tim back to see me. He said I was pretty out of it and kept asking him the same questions like "did you let the chickens out this morning" (which is actually a valid question) and how did the doctor say my surgery went. We were there for probably 20 more minutes and Tim went to get my prescriptions (an antibiotic and Vicodin) and pull the car around. I wanted to make sure I could pee before I left and then they wheeled me to the car in a wheelchair. (One of my biggest fears after having the surgery was that it would hurt when I pee like it did after I gave birth. I kept imagining I would have to use the little water squirt bottle to help with the pain.) Much to my surprise there was no pain, just a little blood. The doctor said I would probably have some bleeding for 5-7 days. He said no sex or tampons for a week and to come back in 3 weeks for a follow up.

We got home around 10am. I ate some Subway, took a Vicodin and napped for 4-5 hours. I woke up feeling really pretty good. No cramping, just a little bit of bleeding.
Tim picked Avery up from daycare and we ended up taking her to Chuck E Cheese that night. We wanted to spend some time with her doing something fun. She had a good time. I took another Vicodin around 9 even though I wasn't having any pain/cramping.

I woke up at 7:30am with horrible cramps. I have decided to take the pain pills every 6 hours for a few days just to try to stay on top of it. Other than the cramps this morning, I have been feeling really good, just some slight bleeding.

Overall, I am happy I had the D&C because now I feel like we can move on faster.

We have been asked if we are going to try again, even with the problems Avery had and the miscarriage and the cystic hygroma this baby had. Yes we are going to try again. If we get pregnant again and there is a problem like a birth defect or chromosome problem, we will then look into adoption.  I told Tim we should just start the adoption process now because it could take awhile. Plus many people who start the adoption process or adopt end up getting pregnant. If anyone knows about the adoption in the US, please email me.

Overall, we are sad that this happened but it does make us appreciate Avery and the little things in life even more.

I wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. Also, for everyone that shared with me their personal miscarriage and D&C story, I really appreciate it and it has definitely helped me along this journey.

Look how huge Mommy was looking at 10-11 weeks!

Another picture of Mommy's huge belly. Even Chewie can't believe how big it is.



Here is Mommy after surgery

 

I helped Mommy write this blog post.

 

Mommy and Daddy say thank you for the flowers Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Laura!!

 

It's a Sad, Sad Day...

Tomorrow we say goodbye to our baby. I don't know where to begin.

On September 14 we went for an appointment with my OB. I thought we would be developing a plan on how often I would be monitored. I never imagined we would be talking about a possible miscarriage. The thought never even crossed my mind. Tim and I just kept thinking and worrying about having another preemie that we never even imagined the possibility of a miscarriage.

We chatted with the doctor for a bit and he said he would want me to start getting progesterone shots starting at 18 weeks. He said they have been known to help keep the baby inside for as long as possible. He also explained that since I am 35 he would want me to get testingWe then had an ultrasound and that's when our world turned upside down. Tim and I knew there was a problem right away. We didn't see the flicker of a heartbeat, which we saw a few weeks before that. He sent us down to the Maternal Fetal Medicine department for another ultrasound.

The doctor there said "We have a problem, your baby is going to die". Even though he was so blunt, I was happy he didn't beat around the bush and try to sugarcoat everything. The baby's heartbeat was only 78 beats per minute (should be 150+) and he diagnosed the baby with cystic hygroma. A cystic hygroma is diagnosed in about 1-5,000-10,000 babies. This fluid filled cyst is filled with lymphatic fluid due to the baby's lymph nodes not working properly. Our ultrasound revealed a cyst near the back of the baby's neck. When you looked down at the baby's head, the doctor said it looked like the baby had a halo and that this was all swelling. (You can find out more about cystic hygroma HERE).

He asked if we wanted to terminate the pregnancy. Even though the inevitable was going to happen, we had no desire to terminate the pregnancy while the baby's heart was still beating. He told us to come back a week later for another ultrasound and to check the heartbeat.

Tim and I went for another ultrasound on Monday, September 21 and there was no heartbeat. Even though we were prepared for this day, it was still devastating. They measured the baby and it measured around 9 weeks 6 days, which means the heart stopped beating a day or two after our ultrasound last week. This was probably also around the same time my nauseousness stopped. We scheduled a D&C this Friday. I wanted a D&C for a few reasons:

1. I have heard of people waiting to miscarriage naturally and it could take weeks
2. You never know when its going to happen. I have heard from some of my friends and they say when it happened, they bled so much that it was scary. What if it happened when I was home alone with Avery?
3. Sometimes having a miscarriage is just as painful as childbirth. Your body can have painful contractions and you feel the urge to push.
4. I want to get the baby tested for chromosomal issues and if I ended up miscarrying at home, this would make it difficult to send the baby to the lab for testing.


I was just starting to get a baby belly..it literally showed up overnight. My stomach is as big now at 11 weeks as it was around 19 weeks with Avery. It's crazy how fast it started to get bigger. I took a few pics and will post them some other time.

Here is the last pic we have of Baby S. It was starting to look super cute!

I know this is a private matter but the reason I decided to share this is so everyone know's why Tim and I may not be ourselves lately. We just need some time. I know things will eventually get easier. I know people go through miscarriages all the time.(10-25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage).Many people also experience having a preemie/baby in the nicu. You never know what any of it is really like until you experience it for yourself. Again, it makes you much more grateful and appreciative of the little things in life.